Thursday, March 24, 2011

An anniversary to remember

Not your typical anniversary because I'm talking about March 24th, the date Kyle was suddenly stolen from us. The pain of that never goes away, even when you think you're okay, it hits you like a load of bricks when it comes around.  We miss you like crazy.  I often find myself wondering what you'd look like, would your blue eyes have turned green, would they be hazel or brown like your sisters?  what your favorite color would be, if you'd love soccer as much as the rest of the kids,  I'm sure you would.  I wonder if you'd like Spiderman as much as Sydney and Peyton, or if you'd prefer Batman.  Would you be watching the Disney Channel with the girls, or sitting next to dad on the couch cheering on your favorite sports team?

The last couple days have been really hard.  Sydney had a fever for two days, and has been coughing, trying to keep her away from Kamren was and still is hard.  The weather has been stormy, the rain coming down sideways, the wind roaring around us with gusts up to 60 mph.  Kamren started to sneezing, and then came the cough, you seemed to be eating less and sleeping more.  my heart hurts, my mind worries as I try to keep him safe, keep him well.  So much pressure and sometimes you feel helpless.  So today 6 years ago....  the very last day we saw you, hugged you, kissed you, has been hard.  Not that it's ever been easy.

My insecurities got the best of me, better safe than sorry in my opinion, so we took Kamren to the dr today, he's got a cold, his chest is clear, always good news.  He's got mucus overload, his nose is snotty and stuffed and so it's a good thing we got the humidifier now....  he's gonna need that.  saline nose drops are his new friend, along with lots of breast milk.  i feel better knowing that today... he's okay, but worry because we never know what tomorrow will bring. 

We love and miss you Kyle.  You're lil sisters always ask why they didn't get to see you alive, I'm sure Kamren will ask the same questions.  We were the lucky ones, we are better parents, and better people because we had you, you shared so much with us and taught us more than anyone else could.  Thank you

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