kickin it

Chunkie Milk Junkie

Cheese

Now that the tears are dried.... Lets be pals again.

Take this

Sydney gets tired of listening to Peyton scream in her ear. "Ah, Peyton put a Binkie in it, I'm trying to get my pictures taken."

Number One

I'm number one. Keep watching.

Today

today was hard, it's strange how the whole weak seems to be an ordeal, even the days leading up to it. I find myself wondering what might have been if Kyle were still with us. I'm sure we'd still have our hands full, he was a mama's boy afterall. What would he have looked like. Everytime I see little boys I wonder about mine. I know that my nephew Donovan and Kyle look similar. They don't look exactly alike, but I guess watching Donovan grow up I will have an idea of what Kyle would look like. It doesn't really help knowing that, doesn't change the way I feel or the fact that I miss him every single day. Not a day comes or goes that I'm not thinking about him. I say his name everyday. I look at his pictures everyday. It's not something that goes away.

I watched the DVD today, my wonderful friend Darice made it for me. I watched it over and over and over. It was on almost the entire morning. The girls and I watched and listened to the music. It truley is a treasure. I got some more cards in the mail today remembering Kyle. It's a great feeling to know that my friends and family remember him to. Sometimes the people you think should remember don't, or maybe they don't know what to say. They say as the time goes by most everyone will forget, everyone but you... their lives will go on - like our own, but we'll never forget - they will expect you to put it behind you, like a nightmare, or pretend it didn't happen.

We met Ben's parents at the cemetery, it started to rain. We took some more balloons and some new flowers and a new beanie baby (the lion). Sometimes people walk off with his goods. hard to believe that.. but they do. I think lil kids pick stuff up when their parents aren't paying attention. Aunt Andria had stopped by with some flowers for Kyle and Alyssa. We stood out in the rain for awhile, enjoying the new smell the rain left. Waiting for the rainbow to show it's colors.

Yesterday

Yesterday the weather was nice so we decided to head to the cemetery, march 24th is Kyle's anniversary. My friend Johanna sent us a balloon bouquet letting us know that she was thinking about us and Kyle. It's really nice to have people remembering Kyle - besides us. We went to party city and got a bunch of balloons to put at his marker, plus some to release. We hung out for a lil while, it was really windy when we got there, so we didn't take the babies out, and we didn't stay as long as I'd liked to. I know there will be a time when we can stay longer, so I don't let it bother me.

After we left the cemetery we went to Bianca's socce try outs again... this time I got roped into going. So - Sydney, Peyton and I hung out in the car, listening to tunes, nursing and just talking. Some of the other soccer moms came to the car to visit and see the babies. After a couple hours the babies got restless - so I loaded them back into their carseats and we went cruising. We ended up at Uncle Rafa's house, I couldn't find their phone number so I decided we'd come back when I picked Bianca and Ben up at the soccer field.

Sydney and Peyton enjoyed the visit with Uncle Rafa and Aunt Laura. Andres, Vanessa and Bianca played with the birds, and hamster. The babies were on their best behavior, Laura was having lots of fun with Sydney. She even got to change a dirty diaper, how much more fun could you have? Okay dancing with the baby was more fun. Tomorrow Bianca is spending the night with Andres and Vanessa.

Weigh In 6 weeks

I had my first experience putting the girls into the explorer and taking them out. I put Peyton in the middle because she's lighter than Sydney. I had to climb into the car to get the carseat out. I can already tell I'm not gonna wanna go anywhere without daddy. Ben says his arms are coming out of his shoulder sockets when he carries both carseats, I can't imagine. I wonder if we'll ever use the stroller we got for the infant carriers? Ben is already talking about buyin the britax marathon, yeah the big carseat...

We took the girls to the lactation station at Sutter to weigh them. Sydney went first, she weighs 9 lbs 11.5 oz. Peyton weighs 8 lbs 13 oz. Sydney feels so much heavier than Peyton I was afraid they were a couple lbs different, maybe Peyton is gonna hit a growth spurt to catch her sister. I wanna go shopping and buy them their first pair of Robeez, Ben keeps threatening to buy one pair that they can share ~rolls eyes~

The girls are exclusively wearing 0-3 month clothes now. The 0-3 are still quite baggy, but I can tell they are growing into them. They never wore any of the premie clothes they received, and now the newborn outfits are snug on Peyton and don't even fit Sydney. I'm excited. By the time summer gets here, they should fit nicely into the 0-3 month clothes maybe even into the 3-6 month clothes.

I've been spending quite a lot of time alone with Sydney and Peyton. My sister Amy has been working lots and having the odd shifts, odd in that she can't come over and play. Don't tell her, but the babies miss her... so do I. I held Sydney on the bjorn yesterday and Peyton in the Mayan wrap. I still don't have the hang of the wrap, its been nice having them both, that way I can hold them at the same time and still have a hand free. One is better than none. We usually dance around the house when we're in the bjorn and wrap, before I got the wrap, it was the bjorn and my arms. It's quite hard carrying the baby in my arms while wearing the bjorn. I'm gonna have some muscles.