Today

today was hard, it's strange how the whole weak seems to be an ordeal, even the days leading up to it. I find myself wondering what might have been if Kyle were still with us. I'm sure we'd still have our hands full, he was a mama's boy afterall. What would he have looked like. Everytime I see little boys I wonder about mine. I know that my nephew Donovan and Kyle look similar. They don't look exactly alike, but I guess watching Donovan grow up I will have an idea of what Kyle would look like. It doesn't really help knowing that, doesn't change the way I feel or the fact that I miss him every single day. Not a day comes or goes that I'm not thinking about him. I say his name everyday. I look at his pictures everyday. It's not something that goes away.

I watched the DVD today, my wonderful friend Darice made it for me. I watched it over and over and over. It was on almost the entire morning. The girls and I watched and listened to the music. It truley is a treasure. I got some more cards in the mail today remembering Kyle. It's a great feeling to know that my friends and family remember him to. Sometimes the people you think should remember don't, or maybe they don't know what to say. They say as the time goes by most everyone will forget, everyone but you... their lives will go on - like our own, but we'll never forget - they will expect you to put it behind you, like a nightmare, or pretend it didn't happen.

We met Ben's parents at the cemetery, it started to rain. We took some more balloons and some new flowers and a new beanie baby (the lion). Sometimes people walk off with his goods. hard to believe that.. but they do. I think lil kids pick stuff up when their parents aren't paying attention. Aunt Andria had stopped by with some flowers for Kyle and Alyssa. We stood out in the rain for awhile, enjoying the new smell the rain left. Waiting for the rainbow to show it's colors.